"Cleanup on Aisle Four." Those words echoed through my head as I awoke on this blazing hot summer day. It was Thursday morning, day four hundred and six of my new life in Canada. But this wasn’t just going to be just another day of being an aspiring writer, (or an unemployed bum if you happen to be talking to my wife) This was the big day of the…(drumroll)…Safeway Supermarket Interview.

Before I realized that my previous employment experience counted for as much in Canada as say, being a nuclear physicist from Zimbabwe, I had spent countless hours trying to crunch six jobs and twenty years worth of work experience on one resume. This is a daunting enough task in itself, but have you ever tried the "career change " resume? Trust me, it’s even harder. There are lots of self-help books explaining how you need to market your "transferable skills". They tell you how every little thing you’ve done over the years can turn into a valuable job skill that employers would just love to have.

For instance, the time you explained how the phones work to a new employee becomes "training and supervision." The summer you worked at the mall twenty years ago becomes "retail services." Walking down the hall to retrieve that report that your boss told you he needed an hour ago for the auditors becomes "client relations." And don’t forget the time you color coded those graphs for the bigshots at the sales presentation meeting. That one becomes "marketing."

Eventually, I came up with enough dribble to disguise the fact that I was a middle-aged schlep who was dumb enough to move to a place with virtually no employment opportunities to match my experience. Sometimes employers figure out that you’re not really trying to "career change", rather you need some extra income to compensate for your financially impractical decision. This is what I was banking on.

From an emotional standpoint, remember when you were a teenager and you got really excited at that raise in your allowance? Or when you scored that killer movie theater job next to the hot babe at the popcorn kiosk? I’m talking about that relentless, heart pounding excitement that runs through your whole body like the kind you got from your first romance? That’s about the feeling I had when they called me for the grocery clerk job at Safeway. Is it pathetic that my life has come to this? Well, yes but my wife did promise to buy me another print cartridge if I got the job. This was a big incentive since editing off the screen can be quite challenging.

I arrived at the supermarket at 1:25, five minutes before the manager told me to be there. As I approached the customer service counter, I saw another girl waiting to be interviewed. They told me to take a seat and they’d tell the manager I was here. After waiting thirty five minutes on the little bench away from the rest of the supermarket population, I began to wonder if I should ask what the delay is. I thought perhaps the retail world was filled with hiring procedures that I would not be privy to, being a financial professional and all. Maybe they only interview the appropriately dressed candidates. As I glanced down at my cargo shorts, I wished I had referred to the dress code chapter of my "Dummy Jobs for Dummies" book.

After awhile I decided that I should probably ask and if they think I’m pushy I could always remind them that I am an American. It turns out that the customer service girl never phoned the manager after all. I decided that since I wasn’t a customer, I probably wasn’t entitled to any service.

The manager didn’t seem the least bit upset that I was over a half an hour late. In fact, he thanked me five times for coming in. What a nice change from the corporate interview process. We exchanged a few pleasantries and before you knew it I was the newest member of the Safeway Grocery Clerks Union. He explained that the pay is horrible but I would get to pick my own hours. This included time off for the upcoming for possession of my new house, weekday or weekend shifts, and anything else they could do to accommodate my schedule. Orientation would be four hours instead of the four weeks I was used to in a stuffy office. In addition, I could start anytime I wanted within the next two weeks. This being a contract year, I was told that it’s possible my raises might even be a whole dollar an hour!

I thought I had found aspiring writers bliss! You mean to tell me that for all those years I worked my butt off, I could have had a job like this where I make most of the rules? And all I’d have to do is take a forty two thousand dollar per year pay cut? I love this country. Apparently, the grocery clerk shortage is just as serious here as the nursing shortage. Socially speaking, this is a good thing for career-changing aspiring writers who happen to be married to well paid Registered Nurses. As for my next resume, I may even change my career objective to "Deli Department."

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ROB KAPLAN is an aspiring writer of creative non-fiction articles, satire and humor. He is an American citizen who moved to Canada due to an employment opportunity for his Canadian wife. As a former employee of the financial industry, his previous professional experience qualifies him for a multitude of fast food jobs in Canada. Therefore, he currently concentrates his efforts on a part-time freelance profession and is diligently shopping his talents to various magazines, local newspapers and ezines. As a native New Yorker who lived in San Francisco for twelve years, he brings a unique perspective to a variety of everyday issues from employment to government. He would love nothing more than for you to contact him at rkap@shaw.ca with ideas, suggestions and input.

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Humorous article about finding a job, by Rob Kaplan.